


Maybe later on

by Anarik



Category: Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: ? - Freeform, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, F/F, Friendship, Hopeful Ending, Sad, Sad Ending, Talking, friendship breakup, lots of talking, talking about feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 13:32:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14521644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anarik/pseuds/Anarik
Summary: They were friends once. They don't talk anymore but now one needs the other. It all results in one night of talking and filling the gaps in their relationship.





	Maybe later on

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my mother language so there's probably some typos and mistakes in there, if you could point that out for me, I'll edit right away.
> 
> Carmilla does not belong to me.

*

It’s really funny. When you decide to stay away from someone, then suddenly everybody in your circle of friends hates them and talks shit about them. Sometimes it’s really hard, you know?  Because they never actually leave your life the way everyone thinks, and when you really, _really_ need to talk to someone about the situation, they don’t actually want to listen what you need or have to say. They don’t want to listen the good things that person had and how they helped you grew. They just see them as someone awful and despicable.

Carmilla and Laura were friends once, when they were in college.

One brunette, one blonde. One broody, one chirpy. They understood each other better than anyone else. Carmilla had a best friend of six years, Kirsch; and Laura talked to a giant, redhaired girl named Danny. Danny and Carmilla were on speaking terms, sure, but they hated each other for some reason. When Kirsch started working using all his free time, Carmilla felt like she needed someone who she could spend her time with; Laura was there, with just as much free time as she had. They became friends.

*

At first, Carmilla thought Laura was straight. She always went walking around, hand in hand, with this guy and she just assumed. And Laura thought Carmilla was just an unfriendly person she didn’t want to deal with. What happened was that Carmilla outed herself with a story and Laura laughed so brightly it caught Carmilla’s attention.

“So, I’m in the car, with my mom. Seventeen-year-old me, starting to question if this girl I am talking to from another state is a lesbian or not. My mom then starts asking me if I like Kirsch.”

“What?” Laura snorts.

“Same reaction here. I tell her that I do not like him that way, then she asks me if _he_ likes me. I tell her no, and then questions me because he’s been coming to our house too much and I’m like, that it’s probably because we’re friends?” Laura laughs. “Then she looks at me, dead in the eye, still driving, and asks if I like any guy. I tell her no, of course, and then she asks me if I like any girl and I’m like, ‘hahaha… what?’”

Laura keeps laughing, holding her tummy and bending over her body.

“She always told me that she didn’t want me to have boyfriends growing up, probably thought I was too stupid to say no to a guy when having sex without condoms. Well, joke’s on you mom, because I am a lesbian!”

There was an older man passing by, he heard what Carmilla said and laughed when he saw the girls laughing. That only made them bond more.

*

When Carmilla was a hundred percent sure Laura was a lesbian, she decided to crack up a plan to make Laura like her, but she got rejected even before she started to flirt with her. Carmilla accepted it and decided just to be her friend. And that would have been really ok, if it weren’t for the fact that Carmilla slowly fell in love with Laura, not even realizing it until it was too late. Until all her mind could say was: “Dear God, I love you so much.”

*

But things never go as one wants them. Laura dated a lot of girls, and Carmilla did the same, but they kept telling each other how their relationships couldn’t be compared to the one they had. Laura lied, didn’t trust Carmilla enough to tell her she was talking to one of her exes, so they could get back together, only telling her when they finally did, breaking Carmilla’s heart and crushing her hopes of Laura finally realizing they could be more than just friends.

Then Laura met a guy: William Luce. A Douche in the whole sense of the word, and she let him get in between her relationship with her girlfriend, to the point of breaking up with her and accepting being his girlfriend, despite the fact that Carmilla told her just how the guy was, and what kind of a Douche he was to Kirsch.

Laura didn’t care, though, as she insisted that they weren’t actually together, as she gave pecks on the lips to Carmilla when saying goodbye, as her friends said she was his girlfriend.

Carmilla grew tired. She left.

*

The intercom rings. It's 23:40, Carmilla's mom and sister are asleep and Carmilla was just about to be doing that. She's confused and checks her phone just to see if one of her friends decided to text her telling her they would go. There's nothing. The intercom rings again and she gets out of her bed.

"Hello?" She asks, voice confused.

"Miss Karnstein, there is a blonde girl here to see you."

"Who is it?"

"I don't know, she didn't give me her name. Just said to call you and sat on the sidewalk."

"Blonde you said?" Carmilla asks.

"Yes."

 _Maybe Elsie_ , she thinks.

"I'll go check. Don't let her in."

"Very well."

Carmilla goes back to her room, takes a coat out of her closet and puts some slippers on. She thinks about telling her mother that she's going out for a moment, but then she thinks it better because then Lilita will probably get up and tell her not to go. _Too late, don't know the person_ , she'll say.

She closes the door carefully, taking her keys with her and going to the elevator. Once the doors are closed, she looks at herself in the mirror. No makeup, no bra, only a sleepshirt, her hair in a bun and slippers.

"This better be Elsie", she murmurs.

When she gets to the building's front door, the watchman tells her the girl is still there, sitting, and Carmilla can recognize that hair everywhere. She stays put, surprised and even more confused. _Why is she here? Why is she reaching out now?_ She sighs, signals for the watchman to open the door and gets out.

"Laura" she says, and Laura looks at her, jumping a little bit. She stands up and Carmilla can see the tears in her eyes.

"He's dead." She murmurs and Carmilla understands.

"Oh, Laura..." Carmilla walks right to her and Laura is already breaking down when she embraces her.

Carmilla lets her cry. She's not sure how she feels about this but only for a second, she lets herself go back to all those months ago when there was still a them, even if it was only friendship.

"Come on, let's get you inside." Carmilla wraps one arm over Laura's shoulders once she calms down and asks the watchman to open the door. "Thanks, Jeff. Have a calm night."

"You too, miss Karnstein."

Carmilla guides Laura to the elevator and neither of them look their reflections in the mirror inside. She can feel her own heart beating strong on her ribcage and she thinks for a second if Laura can hear it too. She decides shortly after that she doesn't care. They get into the apartment and Carmilla gives Laura a glass of water with a little bit of sugar. Then they silently go to Carmilla's room.

Laura is wet, not dropping water but still cold and wet enough to catch the flu if she sleeps in those clothes. Carmilla says so while looking at some shirts inside her closet, picking one that belonged to Laura once, she also gives her some shorts. While Laura strips, Carmilla busies herself with arranging a little bit her bed and then Laura taps her shoulder.

"Give me that, I'll put them in the dryer"

"It's ok. You're doing enough."

"No. If you leave them there, then you won't have anything to wear tomorrow."

"Fine."

Carmilla gets out of the room and goes into the backroom in the kitchen, puts the clothes inside the dryer and turns it on for a few couple minutes. When Carmilla gets back, the light in her room is off and Laura is lying on her bed, looking at the ceiling. Carmilla climbs up and puts herself in the space Laura left, right beside the wall.

"You kept my clothes" Laura says after a while of just staring at the ceiling.

"I kept a lot of your things."

"Me too. I still have that bracelet you got me. Somewhere around in my jewelry boxes"

Carmilla snorts softly and Laura giggles.

They stay silent again.

"How did it happen?" Carmilla asks, because she can't help it.

"Will... He died sleeping, while we were taking a nap. One moment he was breathing, the next his heart gave, and he died."

"At least it wasn't at the hospital... Nor he suffered while it happened."

"Yeah, I guess. His mom came into the room to ask if we were going to eat dinner with her. Her screams woke me up, I didn't understand what was happening until I got out of that bed. He... God."

Carmilla shifts to her side to look at Laura, but Laura doesn't look at her.

"His mom hated me, you know?"

She can't help it. She snorts, "I can't imagine why"

Laura shoves playfully but her smile is gone. "She asked me to leave. Go back to the apartment, or my dad, or whatever. She just wanted me out of there."

"And you came here."

"I tried not to, for what is worth. I tried calling Danny, but I assumed she was with Mel. And then I realized I didn't have any friends left... And it's all my fault."

Carmilla sighs, maybe Laura is expecting her to say that she still has her, but she's not going to say that.

"And you know what?" Laura asks, voice trembling again. "I didn't even care about him that much. He knew it, I knew it. We were both lying to ourselves."

"No offence but, why Will? Seriously. The guy was a complete douche. May he rest in peace."

Laura snorts and cries at the same time.

"I seriously have no idea. I don't even know what got me so into him. I just... I don't know."

"You do know, though", Carmilla says quietly.

"... Yeah" she takes a deep breath and turns to her side, face to face to Carmilla. "I was afraid, I guess. I know I seemed out and proud but... Jesus, everything just overwhelmed me, and my response was getting myself a boyfriend."

"I still don't understand why"

"I was afraid," Laura says again. "The people I lived with... You knew them. They were very homophobic."

"Yeah..."

"I mean, the apartment wasn't the biggest of deals, but it was what my dad could afford, you know? After freshman year I didn't have anywhere else to live and I swore to myself that I wouldn't let that change me but... I was afraid they found out." Laura stays silent for a few minutes and Carmilla has to hold herself back from stroking her hair. "You never actually heard what they say when I lived there, right?"

"No, but you told me, though"

"Yeah... It was awful. They believed –believe– in conversion therapy and I was so afraid that they found out I liked girls that I just decided to try and have a boyfriend."

"Still, you picked the worst out of them all."

"I know."

They keep staring at each other, and Carmilla wonders how the happy girl she knew, turned into this shell of a girl with no trace of brightness.

"Why did you stop talking to me?" Laura asks and Carmilla knew this was coming. She closes her eyes, sighs and turns her body so she's facing the ceiling again.

"Do you remember what I told you when I said I didn't believe you?"

"Yeah. That you didn't believe 70% of the things that came out of my mouth."

"Exactly." Carmilla takes a deep breath and opens her eyes. "I was in love with you. I know you know that."

"Yeah..."

"And... I got tired. Of waiting, of feeling like crap when you looked at someone else and not me, of your lies, of you not trusting me. I felt miserable when you left. I felt needy. And I didn't like that, so I took my metaphorical stuff and left." Carmilla scrubs her eyes and looks at Laura. "And then every single one of our mutual friends were telling me that I stopped talking to you because you picked William and not me."

"In my defense, it was Danny who said that. Not me."

"You still didn't correct her."

"I was hurt."

"Me too, but I didn't let Kirsch say anything about you." Laura drops her eyelids and refuses to look at Carmilla. "I want you to understand that I never bought you dinner, gifts and other stuff, and listened to you or spent time with you because I wanted you to like me. I did all those things, _despite_ you not liking me.”

“But I did like you.”

“You did a tremendous job at showing it.”

“I know…”

They stay silent again and Laura comes a little bit closer to Carmilla.

“I tried contacting you.”

“What?”

“I tried contacting you. I went to look for you once, but you weren’t there and instead it was Elsie. She told me that you didn’t want anything to do with me ever again, and that was it.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“You didn’t?”

“No. I was waiting for you to reach first. I didn’t know Elsie told you that. In any case, she knew I was waiting for you.”

“Maybe she just didn’t want us to be friends anymore.”

“Well, she knew how in love I was with you. She was probably trying to protect me.”

“Probably.”

Carmilla hums and turns to her side again, Laura is a lot closer now and it sort of brings back all those times they watched movies together. They stare into each other’s eyes for a few more minutes, letting the realizations of past love, warmth and reaching overwhelm them. Carmilla places her hand on Laura’s cheek and she closes her eyes in return, pressing into the touch and moving her head up a little bit.

Carmilla kisses her. It’s soft, just a press of lips, it’s nothing like the few kisses they’ve shared before, nothing like their last kiss. This one is lasting, it’s sad, it has so much more emotion. When they break apart, they rest their foreheads together.

“We always knew how to kiss each other”, Carmilla murmurs against Laura’s lips and she barks out a laugh, almost too loud for the hour.

“We did”. Carmilla shushes her with another kiss and this one a little bit more heated. Their lips move with ease, with that certain rhythm they’ve always had and Laura giggles a little bit.

“What?”

“Your hair is tickling me” she answers and Carmilla rolls her eyes. They go back to stare at the ceiling. “Do you know what we never did?”

“Have sex?”

“That too. But I meant this. We never had sleepovers.”

“You were too afraid of my mother.”

“Still are. Don’t know how I’m gonna face her in the morning.”

“She won’t eat you.”

“You don’t know that! If breakfast is meat, and I’m not here, you know why.”

“Stop being so dramatic.”

“I’m telling you, Carm. I’ll be breakfast tomorrow.”

Carm. God, how she missed Laura calling her that. Carmilla laughs softly and denies.

“We should do something now. I’m not sleepy.” Carmilla looks at her phone: 00:20.

“Let’s have sex.” Laura says, and Carmilla looks at her with raised eyebrows. “We never did it, and who says we’ll have the opportunity again? Let’s do it now.”

“...Alright.”

Laura sits and Carmilla looks at her. When Laura climbs on top of her she understands, sitting too, clasping their lips together and hiding her hands under Laura’s shirt.

*

“That was nice.” Laura says, resting her head on Carmilla’s chest.

“It was.”

“Why didn’t we do that sooner?”

“I don’t know.”

They both know, but they don’t want to say it out loud.

“We should dress. If my mom sees us sleeping naked, then you’ll really be breakfast.”

“Dear God”, Laura gets out of bed so fast she falls. Carmilla laughs. “Shut up and dress.”

Once they’re wearing their pajamas again, Laura’s head listening to the drum of Carmilla’s heart, it hits them just how sad the whole situation is.

“You know? When Will first told me he had a brain tumor, I thought he was lying.”

“How so?” Carmilla is stroking Laura’s hair and almost falling asleep.

“I thought he just didn’t want me to leave him. But then we went to the doctor and he did have a brain tumor and I felt awful. I stayed with him”

“It wasn’t your responsibility.”

“I know. But what kind of person would leave their partner because they’re sick and going to die?”

“A normal one. You moved with him what, when you had three months into the relationship?”

“Four.”

“Still. It wasn’t your responsibility to do that.”

“I know that now. And I feel like the worst person alive because I wasted my time helping him and taking care of him. He died, anyway.”

“It does make you an awful person to think that, but let’s be honest. You would still feel awful, even if he recovered because you don’t even like him.”

“You’re right…”

“I know.” Carmilla’s eyes close and she murmurs. “Good night, Laura.”

“Good night, Carm.”

*

Carmilla wakes up to the voice of her mother talking to Mattie.

“Did she tell you that Laura was coming over?”

“No. I didn’t even know they were in speaking terms again.”

Carmilla sighs and disentangles her from the covers, leaving Laura in the bed. She goes to the living room, where her mother and sister have gone impossibly quiet.

“Laura’s boyfriend died yesterday. She came here because she didn’t have anywhere else to go, don’t make it that big of a deal.”

She turns around and goes to the bathroom, Laura joins her soon after and it makes her wonder if she heard them. Breakfast is awkward. No one talks besides the “good morning”s and Carmilla just wants to roll her eyes. Laura changes back to the clothes she was wearing the night before and leaves the shirt and the short in the laundry basket.

“They’re yours” she says when Carmilla lifts her eyebrows.

She takes Laura to the building’s front door, they say hi to the watchman doing the morning shift and they get out. Laura stands in front of Carmilla with a nervous but serious look.

“So…”

“So?” Carmilla asks.

“Where does this leave us?”

“In the same place as before. Nothing has changed, Laura. I have learned to live my life without you, and I know you’ve done the same.”

“Yeah…” Laura looks at the floor, then at Carmilla again. “Thanks for yesterday.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Laura turns around and a taxi stops in the other side of the road, Laura is ready to cross when Carmilla calls her name. She turns around and is surprised when Carmilla kisses her. It’s like their first kiss last night, just a press of lips but it means so much more.

“Maybe later on… in the future.”

Laura nods. “In the future.” She murmurs as a promise.

Carmilla lets her go and Laura crosses the street, gets in the cab and waves goodbye at Carmilla. She stands there until the taxi is long gone.

*

“Is she coming back?” Lilita asks when Carmilla closes the door. She wants to ask her what she means. Now? Later in the afternoon? _Ever_?

Carmilla looks at her mother in the eye, takes a deep breath and answers:

“No.”

**Author's Note:**

> The story of their friendship is based on one I had once, and the description of the night is how I imagine it would go with her in case she comes. Hope you like it.
> 
> Teen and Up because they do have sex, but it's not explicit in there.
> 
> Go find me on [ Tumblr! ](http://theanarik.tumblr.com/)
> 
> If you want to read about the whole friendship thing, I made [ this ](http://theanarik.tumblr.com/post/173440768568/story-time-ok-buckle-the-fuck-up-because-this-is) post about it


End file.
